Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Naughty sms



63. Qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend… Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.




62. Teacher: why are you late?

Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.

Teacher(Angrily): Can’t your dad to it?

Student: No, only BULL can do it…………






61. I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.






60. A notice in a factory for girl workers.

“If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work” What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job! A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered – waiting for autumn.






59.  A cat tries to get a sausage out of a river, but gets its paws wet, then it see a bigger one but falls in! MORAL OF STORY? The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!

A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there’s a wet pussy, there’s a happy cock






58. 1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”






57. Sounds women make during sex.

1) Asthmatic – ah.ahh.ah..ah.

2) Obedient – yes.yes..yes.

3) Unsatisfied – more. more…more.

4) Religious – oh god. oh god.






56. Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!






55.  Why do 90% of the girls have a bigger left breast ?
) (

( .)( . )

) (
because….
90% of the

boys are

right handed..








54. In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another

“I slept wid ur mom last nite”

D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy’s response.

He laughs & says, “Lets go home dad, U r drunk”






53. When an apple is green, its ready to pluck. When a girl in eighteen, she is ready to…

VOTE. You dirty mind, Elections are near, but I know what you were thinking.








52. Why Mahendra Singh Dhoni has no girlfriend?….

Because, he drinks 2 litre of milk daily.








51. Boy (to girl): What’s there in between your legs?

Girl: Hell! And what’s there in between your legs?

Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

Girl & Boy were having sex.

Girl: Darling, I want you to kiss my lips!

Boy: Sure, which 1 would you prefer first, lower lip or upper lip?

Girl: Middle lips, the ones right in the middle of my legs.






50. Lady1: How come your husband is always home on time?

Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.






49. An journalist to mallika sherawat: What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?

Mallika: I go back to my home!






48. Colour of underwear reflects your mood:

Red – Wild,

Black – Sexy,

Blue – Romantic,

Pink – Seductive

White – Calm,

Yellow – time to change your undrewear!








47. A dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, “Dentist caught filling wrong cavity”.








46. Wives r incoming calls,

Lovers r outgoing calls,

Aunties r Toll-free calls,

Callgirls r Roaming calls,

Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.








45. It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it?

Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind.










44. .Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She’ll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u’ll hv a child on children`s day. Don’t try this on everybody. U’ll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day)








43. Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?

A: A computer doesn’t laugh at a 3½ inch floppy.










42. Met a girl the other day that has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It’s amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea!

Hey dude Congrats! Heard u got selected as the first male model for Whisper advertisement. Why should girls have all the fun?






41. Q: Whats the difference between magnets and women

A: magnets have a positive side








40. Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.

Mother: Stupid! He wanted to see ur panty.

Daughter: I am clever I didn’t wear any of them.










39. Mental anxiety,

Mental breakdowns,

Menstrual cramps,

Menopause…

Did you ever notice how all women problems begin with MEN!








38. Which Part…

of a man’s body

has no bone

full of veins

loves pumping

and responsible 4

making LOVE!
ANSWER:

HEART!!! But i luv the way u think…








37. Short thing

It gets Longer

when U hold it

N pass between

women Breasts

N enters into

A hole

What is it?

1 min 2 think!

Car Seat Belt

U dirty mind.










36. He came 2 me 1 nite

explored my body

licked

sucked

swallowed

& had his fill

wen satisfied he left…

I was hurt…

F***IN MOSQUITO

U Dirty Mind










35. Skin meets Skin

When is that

the skin meets skin,

hair meets hair

n balls disappear..

Dirty mind

its when

u BLINK UR EYES








34. When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment,

when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $$$ per minute!










33. Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?

Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.










32. Always start your day with a lot of… S E X S – SMILE E – ENERGY X – XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.








31. Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..Cold, naked, thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite?
My lovely pyjamas










30. A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home










29. Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! Mmmmm That’s how I sex on text!










28. I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.










27 . He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
he bit, sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left,
i was hurt,
BLOODY… MOSQUITO !!!!










26 . It’s better to stay away from girls.
Only one or two can bring SMILE to your life,
remaining will steel your HAPPINESS from your life










25 . A husband was stung by a bee on his pnes and it became swollen.
His wife prayed, “Oh God may you remove off the pain and leave the size as it is.










24 . How Do U Tell To UR Girlfriend If U Want 2 go 2 Toilet During Dinner? Darling,I’ve 2 Shake Hands with a Close friend of MIne Whom I’m Going 2 introduce 2 u Later










23 .What is the difference between secretary & private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.










22. A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. After a while they broke up and he wanted it back. The girl threw a pad at him and said. i’ll pay u back in monthly instalments.










21 .class me teacher lacture de raha tha, ladkiya ne dekha us ki zip khuli hui hai, ladkiya hansne lagay,

Teacher: kyun hans rahe ho, ab agar hansay ko bahir nikaal ke khara ker dunga.










20 .A 90 yr old man started making love with his 85 yr wife, he started sucking her breats and after few seconds the man expired, GUESS WHY?

Autoposy Report : death due










19 . A little girl to her mother: “Mom! i have come to know the boy next door have a pennes
like a peanut”

Mom: ” Do you mean its little”

girl: ” No Mom! Its salty.”










18 . A man forgot to zip up.So
a lady tells him:U LEFT yr GARAGE open.
Man asks:DID U C MY BLACK MERC parked INSIDE?
she said No, JUST A MINI COOPER with a FLAT TIRE










17 .kashti toofan sy nikal sakti hai, taqdeer kisi bhi waqt badal sakti hai, hosla rakh channel na badal SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt jhuk skti hai










16. Q……..Y do girls dont put mobile phones n their BRA?

A………Bcoz Vibration convert milk into Lassi..










15.A Nurse come in Doc’s Room.

Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt?

Nurse ans: Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use.










14.a baby boy & baby girl making bath in bath tab.

baby Girl saw down of boy and asked.

can i touch your peen,

OH NO NEVER.

you have already broken your own










12.8 years boy caught in RAPE case. Lady lawyer holds his penis & says UR HONOUR see him,

can he RAPE? Boy silently: HILA MAT WARNA CASE HAAR JAYEGI










11. Girls hostel ki light chali jatti hai ek larki complain office phone karti hai

“Light chali gai hai” “Aadmi bnaijo Replied” “Aadmi nahi hai mombati se kaam chalao”










10. 75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don’t know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng










9. Girl to Mom: “Is it true that Babies come out from the same place where Boys put their P—S?”

Mom: “Yes”

Girl: “Wow! My Baby will come out from my mouth” 






9. He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!










8. Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!








7. Viagra now available in eye drops, you don’t get an erection but you look hard!








6. T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network……..








5. I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!








4. Girl: It’s 2 tight

Boy: Don’t worry, I’ll do it slowly,

Gal: Push it in,

Boy:Ah..I can’t,

Gal: It’s painful,

Boy: Forget it.

.

.

.

.

We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!








3.Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:

“can kids of our age have kids?”
Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”
Boy said to girl:

“see I told you not to worry!!!!”








2. A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin

and

say

that I will do anything to pass in the exams

and professor says

NOW OPEN YOUR

.

.

.

.

.

.

Books And Study












1. boy can I touch yr software
girl 1st show me yr hardware
boy- should i install it in your system ?
girl-okay ,but cover it with antivirus , then install it .

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