funny sms

159.SomeOne..

MiSSES U..

NeeDS U..

Worries About U

Lonely Without U

Guess Who?

THE MONKEY IN

… THE ZOO …

2.You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!!Just a second, don’t misunderstand.

CUTE means:

Creating

Useless

Troubles

Everywhere..

3.We’ve known each other for quite a while now, do u think we can b more than friends? cos i like u very much. will u b my partner 2 rob a bank?(Feeling bored?

4. Wondering, what to do?4.Open the zip!Enter your hands in between your zip.. take out your…book from your bag and study..5.U will be a ROSE for all TREES

U will be a SMILE

for all FACES

U will be WATER FALLS for all HILLS

&

U will be a BROHTER

for all CUTE GIRLS .

6.When ur life is in darkness pray 2 God ask him 2 free u 4rm darkness &

after if u pray &ur still in darkness

, pls pay ur

ELECTRICITY BILL

7.Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first,girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind.Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

8.A sardarji doctot falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister….

9.Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of wifes

It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime!

WIFE satys No, it means -

With Idiot for Ever

10. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?…. It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !

11.AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,

at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,

at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,

at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other

12.Girls are like roads,more the curves,more the dangerous they are.

13.Tcher: How Old is ur father.

Sunny: As old as I m.

Tcher: How is it possible?

Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born. ../

14. What do you call a wife who is sexybeautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumour!

15. what’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S underware ?

1) both are hott

2) both look better while going down

3) both disappear by night…………

16. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn’t notice

17. Man:what is million years to u?

God:only a second.

Man:what is billion of Dollar.to u?

God:only a Coin.

Man:ok give me a Coin.

God:wait a second….

18. behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man…

19. 75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don’t know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.

20. Which Type Of Woman Is Yours?

HARD-DISK Woman:She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expec

21. A husband was stung by a bee on his penis and it became swollen. His wife prayed, “Oh God may you remove off the pain and leave the size as it is.

22. who is stronger man or woman?

Anser A woman coz she lifts two mountain on her chest while man lifts his crane with the help of 2 stones.

23. Girls Hostel ki light chali gayi.

Ek ladki ne electric office me phone karke kaha:

Light chali gayi hai, aadmi bhejo.

Replied “Aadmi nahi hai, mombatti se kaam chala lo.”

24. A Wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: “Get up quickly my hasband is here!!!”

the man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himslef and then realizes “Damn, I am the hasband!!!”

Who’s guilty in the situation?????????????

25. Best SMS of the year- a nother makea her son “intelligent” in 20 Years, but a girl makes him STUPID in 2 minutes.

26. A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,

27.which the father receives as:”father, your daughter has been successful in BED.” 27. in chemistry class teacher asked a girl:what r Nitrates?

girl answered shyly:nights rates r high then day ..!

28. Judge-y did u attack tat young man?

Old lady- he grabbed me, took my clothes off, threw me on d bed & shouted APRIL FOOL!

29. girls are like an internet virus, they enter ur life, scan ur poket , transfer ur money, edit ur mind, download their problems delete ur smiles and hang u for ever

30. teacher teaching algebra to student

A=B=C

it means A=C

sir asked 2 giv exampl 4 it

student:sir i luv u, u luv ur daughter,it means i luv ur daughter

31. NEWTONS LAW OF LOVE:- LOVE CAN NEITHER B CREATED NOR DESTROYD BUT IT CAN ONLY B CHNGD FRM ONE girl TO ANTHR WID D LOSS OF MONEY

32. Romance Mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

33. what is the diffrent between

Himami & tsunami ?

Himami is face wash,

Sunami is total wash

34. Man ask God ” God Y U make women so BEAUTIFUL? God so that u can LUV her.

Men but Y u make her so STUPID? God says so that she can LUV U…….

35. A convicted rapist was sentenced to a death penalty.he was 2 choose between being hanged or being injected with a seringe with HIV/AIDS blood.he choose to be injected with AIDS, after they have finished with him he never stoped laughing and they asked why r u laughing he just wispered and say i have put on a condom

36. A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital tp deliver…

The wife however gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG….

37. A story with moral

My girlfriend called me to her house one day. I went there & found her sister alone in the house. She was unbelievably sexythan my GF. She whispered in my ear, “I have feelings for you, make love to me once” I turned around & walked to the front door towards my car. Amazingly I found my GF standing there & she hugged me & said, “U have won my trust.”

Moral:

Its always better to keep the CuNDuMS in the car & not in the wallet!!

38. Last nite i had a dream abt U…

I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day…

Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not…

I asked GOD:

Why it is so???

GOD replied:

“BALANCE OF NATURE”…!!!

39.A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

40. People who do lots of work.make lots of mistakes,

People who do less work.make less mistakes,

People who do no work.make no mistakes,

People who make no mistakes.get promoted.

41.U luv sumone… u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id…!

42. wife - suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge

husband - magar yahan to nahin hai

wife– mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se la aaye baghwan !!!!!!!!!

43. The world thineest book has only one word written in it”EVERYTHING” and the bok is tittled by “WHAT WOMAN WANT “

44. Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the Field”

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies First.

45.STUDENT: But I don’t think, i deserve a zero on this exam.

TEACHER: Neither do I, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

46.A FAMILY SAW ”SHOLAY” MOVIE

CAME BACK HOME AND HUSBAND ROMANTICALLY SAID TO WIFE

” NACH BASANTI NACH”

CHILD ADDED

”NAHIN BASANTI IS KUTE K SAMNE MAT NACHNA”

47.Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

appu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl

48 always keep a picture of ur wife in ur wallet look at it when u r in trouble u will feel that other problems r not as big as this one

49. A mobile is like women :- TALKS NON-STOP, COSTS A FORTUNE, DISTURBS WHEN UR BUSY AND WHEN U NEED THEM URGENTLY THEY HAVE NO SERVICE

50. no men no women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children no children no school no school no homework no homework no problems!

51. A god discusión is like a MINI SKIRTShort enough 2 pertain interest and long enough 2 cover the subject .

52. A Noble Award winner dedicated his Novel to his wife and wrote

Its dedicated to my Wife because in her absence I could complete this Book

53. think positive… look at the world as 1 huge chocolate cake.

it would not be complete without a few sweets & nuts.

sweets like me & nuts like you!!!

54.Lady : So, you want to become my son-in- law?

Boy: Not really, but I don’t see

any other way 2 marry ur daughter!

55. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to

enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and

ur parents.

56. A baby monkey asks his father,

Father why r we so ugly?

The father says to him, don’t stress

my son u should see the one who is

reading this!!

57. What does u call a woman in heaven? An

Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of

Angels.

And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON

EARTH!

58. Teacher: What should be in a book to

make it a bestseller?

Rommy: A girl on the cover and no cover

on the girl. 59. Sign post outside our collage-

“Drive Carefully! Don’t kill

the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!”.

60. Scientists all over the world r

wondering how long a human being can

live without a brain… Kindly tell them ur age…

61. What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2

call u but the operator said “Welcome

2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying

to call is on the tree… .Plz try later.”

62. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One

says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” The

first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

63. Difference: It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

64. God thought that since he couldn’t b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn’t b everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

65. Why couldn’t the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

66. sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has come up actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker

67. Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an Earth Quake ? A:) Milk Shake

68. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool

69. when I married you.” She replied, “Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

70. When in life, you wake up n you don’t see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist!

71. What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

72.Friendship is just like wine.. As it gets older it gets sweeter.. just like you and me.. you are getting older and I am getting sweeter

73. So sweet is ur SMILE….. so sweet is ur STYLE….. so sweet is ur VOICE….. so sweet is ur EYE……. see how sweetly I LIE!!

74. Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, but I Love One Ship That Is Your Friend-Ship

75. Based on Newton’s 1st Law: Law of love neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can be changed form one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

76. I know you think I’m cute, I know you think I’m fine, but like the other guys take a number and wait in line!!

77. What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

78. Why r Women are like the stock market… Coz they’re irrational n can bankrupt u if u’ r not careful.

79. Mosquitoes religious? YES They first sing over u & then prey on you

80. Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh…. Finally the suitcase is closed.

81. Birds love u, Giraffe love u, Goat love u, Elephant love u, Go to zoo, They all miss u.

82. I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window… I look down & den.. I lauf again

83. Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Every 1 can c it but only U can feel its true Warmth, Thank U 4 being the pee in my pants..

84. What’s d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. Both r explosive 2. Both r hot 3. Both r dangerous when kept in open

85. Eyes: To look at you Hands: To pray for you Mind: To care for u Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me.

86. The big tomato said 2 the slow little tomato: ketch up!!

87. A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A sexy female elephant passes by… What does the loafer elephant say? Wow… 3600-2400-3600

88. What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? Marriage.

89. Luck at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U

90. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

91. Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I butter not tell you, It might spread!!

92. Cute… Good looking… Easy to handle… Cool… Sexy… Nice structure… It’s my mobile. How about your?

93. What is the height of Bravery, Patience & Laziness combined? A: Sitting on the sea shore waiting for TSUNAMI to clean up ur ASS

94. Will, Marry, I & U are going for a party. What’s the best & worst arrangement u can make. Did u get… Best: Will, U, Marry, Me Worst: I, Will, Marry, U